Falling Out of Love Is Not the End

I’m Not IN LOVE Anymore

I know you’ve heard this. You might have said it. “I LOVE her, but I’m not IN LOVE with her anymore.” The kiss of death to most relationships, right? Not if you understand how relationships work.

The Wedding Is Not the Marriage

First things first: There’s a big difference between the wedding and the marriage. A wedding is a party, a celebration for a day. A marriage is years of getting up each day and making the hard decision to treat each other right, no matter the circumstances. A relationship is not a party. Yeah, sorry. But it doesn’t have to be a death march, either.

Falling In Love Is Easy

Second things second: There’s a big difference between how easy it is to fall in love and how hard it is to navigate life’s challenges while maintaining respect, communication, romance, and a sense of humor with your partner for years.

Once you’re not IN LOVE anymore, that’s probably when you’re ready for REAL love… and not before.

Disillusionment Is A Prerequisite

Once the illusion that everything is perfect has been stripped away, you’re ready to work at perfecting the underlying relationship. That is, if there is a relationship underlying. Once your partner is actually making it hard for you to love them (how could they?!), you’ll be faced with how you’re going to respond.

Real Love Is Worth It

Will you be honest with them about what is working and what isn’t? Will you end the relationship, because this isn’t what you signed up for? Will you hang in there and discover that you can become closer to your partner through the hard times, if you’re talking, maintaining your friendship, and making love a verb? That’s what you’re going to have do to for love.

That’s real love.

Dr. Anita Sanz, PhD, Psychologist

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