No One Likes A Bully!
Imagine you’re given two choices about getting something done:
Choice #1: Do it or else bad things are going to happen to you. OR
Choice #2: Do it and I’ll give you the reasons why it would be a good idea for you to do it.
Which choice appeals to you the most?
You Can’t Tell Me What To Do!
Even if both choices have some merit, most people are going to choose #2. Most people don’t like to be bullied into doing things. Maybe you’re like most people?
Why Do You Do It?
Do you eat well because you’re afraid to get fat? Or because it will improve your health and energy? Do you go to work because you’re afraid you’ll be fired if you don’t?
Or because you have a contribution to make? Do you stay with someone because you’re afraid to be alone? Or because you are happy, growing, and learning in the relationship?
Fear As Motivator
Are you being motivated by fear? You do something or you stay because you’re afraid of the consequences. It’s understandable if you make some decisions based on fear of consequences. Some consequences are best avoided. And Fear sure is a great motivator. But it’s actually not the best one.
What Do You Want?
Most people like to feel they have a choice and that they are making the decision that is right for them. And not simply because they are afraid of the consequences. And here’s the truth: You will be more successful if you make healthy choices in your life because you WANT something good for yourself than you will try to AVOID something bad happening to you.
No One Likes A Bully
Being afraid is like being bullied. By Fear. It’s very tempting to strike back at that Fear Bully by not doing the healthy thing so you can prove who’s in charge. Ever do that? Prove that you’re stronger than the fear of dying of lung cancer, so you keep smoking? That’ll show that bully who’s boss!
You Have A Choice
You don’t have to let fear be your motivator. You can examine all the good reasons why you might consider doing something, and choose. You have a choice to refuse to let fear of negative consequences be the only reason you change. Use your power wisely!
Dr. Anita Sanz, PhD, Psychologist
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