How Do You Get Someone To Go To Therapy?
For the sake of this post, let’s assume you have a friend you’re concerned about. There’s 3-Step process you can adapt to meet the needs of your specific situation when attempting to encourage someone to go to therapy.
Empathize with your friend and her experience.
That means you have to first listen to understand her experience from her perspective, without attempting to offer advice, opinions, or solve her problems. Try to understand what it feels like for her to be experiencing such profound levels of depression, or anxiety, or addiction that she cannot function the way she used to. You can reflect back to her things she may say so she knows you are hearing her, like “You’re feeling really lost and hopeless right now.”
Gently introduce aspects of reality but only after your friend feels heard and understood by you. Let her know that you are concerned about how she’s doing and how she appears to be stuck. Bring in details: she hasn’t paid her bills in months, she’s going to lose her job, she isn’t taking care of herself. Let her know that in your experience, nothing ever changes unless you do something different, but that you understand how hard it must feel for her right now to do anything different. Even more important, let her know that what she is struggling with something that can be treated successfully, and the sooner that she can get treatment, the sooner her life can get back to a new normal that feels okay again.
Be a “Good Neighbor
In the spirit of Mister Rogers, be a friend and a good neighbor. Tell her that you care about her. Tell her that she deserves to be free of her struggling and that you believe that it is possible for her to feel better. Tell her that you want to help, and then tell her all the ways that you would be willing to help. Say “I can help you find a therapist. I can call your insurance company and get a list of names or treatment programs we can look at together. I can drive you there or I can go with you the first time.” But also tell her that she doesn’t have to do anything if she doesn’t want to or she isn’t ready to, just that you are concerned and want her to feel better as soon as possible and you’ll do whatever it takes to get things moving.
Feeling listened to and heard, being cared about, and being told there is reason to hope and support to make that first step toward getting better is the best way I know for someone to seriously consider going to therapy.
Dr. Anita Sanz, PhD, Psychologist
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