Embracing Ambivalence
You know you need to leave him or her. It’s a bad…no…it’s a truly toxic relationship. But you just can’t quit it.
You know you need to stop _____________. (Smoking, drinking so much, overeating, cutting, gambling, working so much, killing yourself.) You just can’t stop.
You Are Not a Transformer
Here’s the simple truth. You don’t have to somehow transform yourself overnight into a “Brand New Person”. The person who can finally say goodbye. The person who only has one drink and stops. The person who chooses meditation over medication. You just have to tip the balance by 1%.
Getting to 51%…
If you really want to change, but you “just can’t”, then you’re 50% ready for something different, and 50% not ready to make any real change. You just have to move 1% in the direction of doing things differently in order to start the process of real change. It only takes that extra 1%.
Embracing Ambivalence
If 49% of you still feels like you really want to be with this person you care about, but 51% of you realizes it’s a hopeless sinkhole, you’re going to be able to leave. Maybe not tomorrow…but it will happen.
If 49% of you really wants to eat everything in the pantry because you’re stressed out, but the other 51% is sick and tired of feeling like crap and putting on more unwanted weight, you’re going to close those pantry doors.
Don’t wait for 100%
It just takes that 1%. You don’t have to be 100% on board with anything to change. You just have to be 51% on board …enough to tip the balance.
That’s not as hard to reach. So you CAN say goodbye… and still wish you could have made it work. You CAN make a different, healthier choice, and still wish you could indulge in that bad habit for the rest of your life.
This is as close to “having it all” as you’re going to get… while you let go of what’s holding you back.
Dr. Anita Sanz, PhD, Psychologist
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