{"id":3095,"date":"2023-05-18T11:29:14","date_gmt":"2023-05-18T11:29:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/?p=3095"},"modified":"2025-04-09T23:46:54","modified_gmt":"2025-04-09T23:46:54","slug":"self-esteem-is-your-job","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/wp-dev\/self-esteem-is-your-job\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Esteem Is YOUR Job"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Self-Esteem<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Self-Doubt and Low Self-Esteem<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Not sure if you\u2019re all that sexy and attractive? Do you constantly need approval from others? Are you never sure that you are good enough?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are all examples of a situation where there\u2019s a hole that needs to be filled. The fact that you\u2019re insecure, unsure, feeling inadequate or confused isn\u2019t the problem. It becomes a problem when you depend on others to make you feel better about yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just A Little Reassurance<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s the big deal with asking for a little reassurance?  Well, nothing.  If that\u2019s all it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all need a little reassurance from time to time. Constantly asking for reassurance from someone, or needing their approval, is what is the big deal. Here\u2019s why depending on others for self-esteem is a losing proposition:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1.  The reassurance only lasts a little while.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Like a drug you will become addicted to, you are going to need more and more to keep feeling \u201cokay.\u201d You\u2019ll immediately feel better when someone tells you you\u2019re hot, or smart, or really not a bad person, but the effect won\u2019t last very long.  If it lasts at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2.  You won\u2019t really believe what they\u2019re saying.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Because you know all your real underlying faults, weaknesses, and failures you will never really give anyone else the status of \u201cexpert\u201d on yourself\u2026 not that you should.  But their word isn\u2019t final, and you\u2019ll question their ability to know and be able to make informed comments about the \u201creal you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3.  It won\u2019t really solve the real problem.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re feeling bad about yourself, insecure, or unworthy\u2026 asking for reassurance from others is really like asking someone else to fill the hole that only you can fill.  Self-esteem is YOUR job. No one else can do it, but you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fill Your Own Hole<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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There\u2019s an old saying in the field that \u201cSelf-esteem is an inside job.\u201d And that job is filling your own hole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can try to get others to shovel dirt into that hole, but it just doesn\u2019t seem to do the job.  Maybe the dirt just settles, leaving the hole a little shallower, but still there.  The hole is still there. The need to feel better is still there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You Are the Only Person<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

You are the only person who can truly make yourself feel that you are worthy of love, of health, of success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are the only person who can truly make it okay for you to accept compliments, believe in yourself, take healthy risks, enjoy hard-earned accomplishments, and feel you are attractive, lovable, sexy, wonderful to know, and enjoyable to be with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Start Shovelling!<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Compliments and reassurances from others will only fill that hole a little bit\u2026 the rest of the hard work of shoveling is up to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once that hole is filled, you can stand on top of that packed dirt, strong and proud, and feeling like you\u2019re on top of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because you\u2019ll certainly be on top of yours!  \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Dr<\/em>.\u00a0Anita Sanz<\/em>, PhD, Psychologist<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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