{"id":2463,"date":"2023-05-01T15:57:40","date_gmt":"2023-05-01T15:57:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/?p=2463"},"modified":"2025-04-10T00:07:44","modified_gmt":"2025-04-10T00:07:44","slug":"mothers-are-people-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/wp-dev\/mothers-are-people-too\/","title":{"rendered":"Mothers are People, Too\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Happy Mother\u2019s Day!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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\u201cIf it\u2019s not one thing, it\u2019s your Mother!\u201d<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a saying in psychotherapy that goes \u201cIf it\u2019s not one thing, it\u2019s your Mother.\u201d Shall I say the field of psychology has often been less than kind when it comes to Moms, blaming them for causing autism to Bipolar Disorder and everything else?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the 1950\u2019s, even schizophrenia was blamed on cold, unfeeling so-called \u201cRefrigerator Moms.\u201d Once women began to influence the field of psychology, and solid research helped to expose the ridiculousness of blaming mothering for all manner of disorders, it is no longer the norm in the field to blame Mom for everything that might go wrong\u2026in fact, there\u2019s as much interest in the field now at looking at the impact of Fathers (or their absence) on mental health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exactly what is Mom\u2019s Job Description?<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

In our culture, however, it is still a pretty tall order that Mothers are attempting to fill to be \u201cGood Moms.\u201d Here is a poem by Joanna Fuchs available from Poemsource<\/a> that you can use to honor Mom:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Miracle Mother <\/strong>\n\nMom, I look at you and see a walking miracle. Your unfailing love without limit, your ability to soothe my every hurt, the way you are on duty, unselfishly, every hour, every day, makes me so grateful that I am yours, and you are mine.\n\nWith open arms and open heart, with enduring patience and inner strength, you gave so much for me, sometimes at your expense. You are my teacher, my comforter, my encourager, appreciating all, forgiving all. \n\nSometimes I took you for granted, Mom, but I don\u2019t now, and I never will again. I know that everything I am today relates to you and your loving care.  I gaze in wonder as I watch you being you - my miracle, my mother.\n\nBy Joanna Fuchs<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
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We\u2019re Going to Have to Fire Some Moms\u2026<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
I mean no disrespect to Joanna Fuchs, but if this even comes close to the job description, then most Mothers I know are failing miserably and will be getting a pink slip. As a Mother, despite doing the best that I can given the circumstances, I know I do not have \u201cunfailing love without limit,\u201d I\u2019m not \u201con duty unselfishly every hour, every day,\u201d and I do not have the \u201cability to soothe every hurt.\u201d Not that I sometimes wish I could!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And most Moms that I know would fall short of these expectations\u2026 because Moms are People, too! In fact, they were people first.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s Celebrate Real Moms\u2026<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Instead of celebrating \u201cMiracle Mothers,\u201d how about we celebrate Real Moms?  Real Moms don\u2019t have unending patience, don\u2019t always say the right thing at the right moment, don\u2019t know how to make everything better\u2026 even though they may want to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Real Moms are imperfect human beings who are trying to figure out who they are in the world, along with shouldering the immense responsibility of trying to nurture and guide another human being (or more) on their path through life. Real Moms aren\u2019t perfect\u2026 they make mistakes. Real Moms come with both personal and cultural baggage about being a Mother that they are trying to deal with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Real Moms have physical and sometimes mental health issues that affect how they parent, though they wish they didn\u2019t. And Real Moms sometimes have strengths other than the stereotypical ones of being nurturing and caring and forgiving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some Real Moms\u2026<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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Some Real Moms are independent, successful in a variety of settings, competent and efficient, organized and determined, travelers and conquerors. Some Real Moms are artistic, and creative, in their own special world that doesn\u2019t look like anyone else\u2019s. Some Real Moms are entertainers, can make life one big party, and know how to have fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some Real Moms aren\u2019t martyrs.  They take care of themselves as well as others, understanding that a sane, balanced life requires attending to their own needs, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In Celebration of Real Moms:<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
So this Mother\u2019s Day, instead of either idealizing Mom as a \u201cMiracle Mother,\u201d or trashing her because she can never live up to our culture\u2019s unrealistic expectations, maybe we can just honor and celebrate Real Moms. You can say \u201cthank you\u201d to your Mom for doing the best she could as a parent with what she knew at the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can say \u201cthank you\u201d to your Mom for being the interesting, wonderfully imperfect person that she is. You can say \u201cHappy Mother\u2019s Day!\u201d and celebrate the fact that you have a Real Mom\u2026 which is kind of a miracle in and of itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Dr<\/em>.\u00a0Anita Sanz<\/em>, PhD, Psychologist<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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