{"id":2318,"date":"2023-04-27T10:52:35","date_gmt":"2023-04-27T10:52:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/?p=2318"},"modified":"2024-09-02T22:42:56","modified_gmt":"2024-09-02T22:42:56","slug":"giving-the-love-that-heals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/wp-dev\/giving-the-love-that-heals\/","title":{"rendered":"Giving The Love That Heals"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Happy Birth Day!<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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Our daughter turned 12 this week, and I\u2019ve been reflecting on what I have learned about parenting since the day she came into the world\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes! Make Her Cry!\u201d<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Hayley\u2019s birth was very quiet and peaceful. I went inward to focus on the job at hand, and gave everything I had\u2026and then more. Thankful and with awe, like most mothers, I found there was something greater in me than I ever knew existed that allowed me to push past wordless, unspeakable pain. And then she was here\u2026 looking clear through me with the oldest newest eyes I had ever seen\u2026 not making a sound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then the nurse took her away. No longer in my range of vision, and unable to hear her, I grew increasingly concerned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aren\u2019t Babies Supposed to Cry?!<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

I thought babies were supposed to scream at the top of their lungs when they were first born, (right?)  so I told the nurse \u201cShe isn\u2019t crying! Make her cry!\u201d She laughed and asked if I was sure I wanted her to do that, because our baby was fine\u2026 and completely discounting her years of caring for newborn infants in a hospital setting, I insisted, \u201cYes!  Make her cry<\/em>!!!!\u201d That may have been the first time that Mother did not know best, but it wouldn\u2019t be the last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some Book Learnin\u2019 Helps<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Parenting has been everything I thought it would and could be\u2026 and so much more. I found it wasn\u2019t easy, sometimes wasn\u2019t much fun, and our child didn\u2019t come with an owner\u2019s manual.  (Of course, it\u2019s possible we left it behind at the hospital.) So I was happy to discover something that really helps a parent to do \u201cthe toughest job you\u2019ll ever love.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giving the Love That Heals<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen Hunt\u2019s book on parenting children and teens, Giving the Love That Heals : A Guide for Parents, is one of the most helpful I have ever read for doing the job right. It goes far beyond how to toilet train, deal with temper tantrums or set curfews. Besides helping parents learn how to not \u201chand-down\u201d wounding that they may have received as a child as they raise their own, from this book you can learn how to give your children the safety, support, and structure that they need to grow up healthy and whole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Your Kids Need Your Help<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Drs. Hendrix and Hunt get that even though children are not just \u201clittle adults,\u201d they are most certainly their own persons\u2026deserving of your time, your energy, your patience and your respect. Parenting techniques that start from this assumption are often more effective than those which assume that children can simply be taught to do things with reinforcement or punishment alone, without respect for their feelings or that they need help to learn how to manage them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 It\u2019s Going to Be Okay<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

As often as possible in working with parents, we try to teach their recommendations to use empathy, validation, and \u201cintentional dialogue.\u201d Using some simple, but effective ways of communicating with your kids, you can show them that it\u2019s okay for them to FEEL anything they are feeling\u2026no matter how sad, mad or scared they are. You validate that which exists, then you help them to manage and deal with both their feelings AND the circumstances which brought them about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can teach them that they<\/em> are okay, their feelings are okay, and it\u2019s all<\/em> going to be okay\u2026 because you can help them learn ways to cope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Instillation of Hope<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

By teaching this, your child is able to learn how to manage even very strong and overwhelming feelings, know that they aren\u2019t bad for feeling them, and know that there is a solution to every problem\u2026 it is no less than the instillation within the child of the knowledge that there is always hope.<\/strong> That alone can carry your child through some of life\u2019s most difficult challenges, so they can keep growing and learning and becoming. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are the skills that they can take with them into that big, scary world out there\u2026 even if they don\u2019t come into it crying. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Dr<\/em>.\u00a0Anita Sanz<\/em>, PhD, Psychologist<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For more information about Dr. Harville Hendrix, click HERE<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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