{"id":2191,"date":"2023-04-23T15:30:35","date_gmt":"2023-04-23T15:30:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/?p=2191"},"modified":"2025-04-10T00:29:40","modified_gmt":"2025-04-10T00:29:40","slug":"how-to-deal-with-change","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/wp-dev\/how-to-deal-with-change\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Change"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\n
\"\"<\/figure>
\n

It is not necessary to change.  Survival is not mandatory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

~<\/strong>W. Edwards Deming<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

This is a time of year when people often are readying themselves for change.  The start of a new year is only days away. You might be thinking about making some New Year\u2019s Resolutions\u2026to finally get around to changing in a significant way. For some of you, it means you\u2019re starting to think about graduating from high school or college or graduate programs\u2026and what comes after that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For some, it means learning how to live each day without the aid of alcohol, drugs, gambling, or binge-eating addictions. For still others, it means learning how to live without a significant someone in their lives, which truly changes everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\n

Change is inevitable \u2013 except from a vending machine. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

~<\/strong> Robert C. Gallagher<\/p>\n<\/div>

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the deal:  everything changes.  Nothing ever stays the same. While reassuring yourself of this can be helpful in the bad times, if things are going just the way you want them to, then the idea that everything is going to change is not very reassuring. We are truly creatures of habit.  If you don\u2019t think so, just try using a different coffee cup than your favorite one you usually use all day and see how that feels!  Trust me.  Humans, for the most part, do not like change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We don\u2019t even like positive<\/strong> changes\u2026at least at first.  If you change our phones, our technology, our transportation\u2026even if later we realize how much better it is\u2026at first, we\u2019re not all that happy about it.  Why is that? Because we\u2019re going to have to learn a whole new system.  We\u2019re going to have to stretch, grow, or adapt.  We can\u2019t just keep going through the same old routines and habits that we\u2019re used to\u2026and that we think we like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>
\n

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

~<\/strong>Ellen Glasgow<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

So if we don\u2019t even like the good stuff at first, simply because it\u2019s different from what we\u2019re used to, how in the world are we going to deal with changes that we perceive as really bad or scary?  If positive change is hard, coping with a perceived negative change is even harder. But, we have to deal with change, because it is inevitable.  You really don\u2019t have a choice whether to deal with it.  What you do have a choice about is HOW you decide to deal with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To better your chances at dealing with change successfully, a key coping skill that I think everyone should attempt to cultivate is flexibility.<\/strong><\/em> A basic dictionary definition of flexibility includes  \u201ccapable of being bent, usually without breaking.\u201d If change is inevitable, then your ability to survive it intact would be a very good thing, doncha think? \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\n

When you are through changing, you are through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

~<\/strong>Bruce Garton<\/p>\n<\/div>

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

If flexibility is a virtue, then rigidity<\/em><\/strong> and the inability to adapt to change is a major personality flaw.  If things have to stay the way they are, or the way you want them to be, in order for you to be okay\u2026then I don\u2019t give you good odds that you\u2019re going to be okay<\/em> that often. How likely is it that you are going to be able to control circumstances and outcomes to your liking? How likely is it that you are going to be able to prevent things from changing if you like things \u201cjust the way they are?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How likely is that you are going to be able to \u201chave it your way?\u201d Well, to paraphrase one of my heroes, you can have everything you want some of the time or some of the things you want all of the time, but you can rarely have everything you want all of the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>
\n

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

~<\/strong>Victor Frankl<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

So if you can\u2019t guarantee you can have things turn out the way you want them to, it stands to reason you\u2019re going to have to find a way to be okay with whatever happens. How to get okay with change:  try not to be so afraid of it\u2026it\u2019s only change, which is something you\u2019ve actually been managing to deal with all your life or you wouldn\u2019t be here today. Challenge yourself to realize you\u2019re a survivor\u2026and you\u2019re going to survive this upcoming change as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try not to get too attached to either the way things were, they way things are now, or the way you want things to be.  Not getting attached means being okay with whatever happens\u2026you don\u2019t have to like<\/strong> it\u2026you just have to be able to deal with it<\/strong>. Try to remember that (like the bumper sticker says)\u2026without change we wouldn\u2019t have any butterflies. Decide right now that you\u2019re going to be flexible and move with the flow of life, wherever that takes you.  Try to let go of fear and rigidity and need to be in control of things you actually can\u2019t control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s easy for you to say\u2026..<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of this is so much easier to say than to do\u2026but these are just a few starting points for you to jump off of and see how you can personalize them. And remember that if you are interested in making ongoing changes this year, one week at a time, take a look at A Year to Change\u2026a support book that\u2019s going to be released a chapter a week on this website beginning January 1, 2011.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll be right there\u2026I\u2019ve got your back on this one\u2026and we\u2019ll make those changes together!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Dr<\/em>.\u00a0Anita Sanz<\/em>, PhD, Psychologist<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n