{"id":1844,"date":"2023-04-17T14:00:15","date_gmt":"2023-04-17T14:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/?p=1844"},"modified":"2025-04-10T00:33:09","modified_gmt":"2025-04-10T00:33:09","slug":"what-are-you-waiting-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/anitasanz.com\/wp-dev\/what-are-you-waiting-for\/","title":{"rendered":"What Are You Waiting For?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Do you think that you\u2019ll be happy when you finally lose those 15-20+ pounds? Do you think that when you find the perfect man\/woman, that\u2019s when you will finally be at peace and fully loved? How about when you finally get your dream job\/promotion\/corner office? That will surely make you feel that you\u2019re a success, worthy of others\u2019 and your own esteem. Right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Childhood Wounds<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

There are some wounds from childhood and adolescence, times when you didn\u2019t get some things like love, safety, and a sense of security being in the world or times when you got some things that you didn\u2019t need that destroyed your sense of wholeness, safety, or security. Those experiences are like someone digging up your yard and leaving huge, gaping holes in the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking For Fill Dirt<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

You can spend your life trying to find things, both helpful and self-destructive, to fill in the holes:  careers, relationships, parenting, hobbies, religion, addictions, distractions, and self-improvement strategies. It\u2019s like trying to find anything to fill the void, fill the hole, and stop up the wound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Avoiding the Hole<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

You can also spend your life NOT trying to find things to fill up the hole because that way you can say that the hole COULD have been filled in if you had just gotten the dirt. What does that look like?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t lose excess weight, because what if being normal weight doesn\u2019t make you happy?  Then what are you going to do? You don\u2019t give up drinking and drugging, because what if you aren\u2019t more successful when you\u2019re sober?  You don\u2019t allow anyone to get close to you, because what if, when you finally have that \u201cperfect life,\u201d you have to come to terms with the fact that no one on this earth can make you happy except yourself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bad News\/Good News<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve got some bad news for you. There are some holes that were dug so deep when you were young, that no one and nothing is ever going to be able to fill them in. I\u2019ve also got some good news to go with that bad news. Some really good news. Not so good that it will make up for the fact that those holes will never get filled in, but still pretty good news: It\u2019s not necessary to fill those holes in<\/strong><\/em> order to finally be happy, healthy,<\/strong><\/em> feel worthy, or successful.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Work Them In<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t have to erase them, fill them in, be ashamed you have them, or try to pretend those holes don\u2019t exist. You just have to be okay with them being there, and then work them into the landscaping. You admit those are your wounds. You say, \u201cYep, those half-filled holes in the front yard are all mine.\u201d And then plant begonias and daisies all around them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You Don\u2019t Have to Love Them<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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You have to somehow get okay with big holes being in the front yard. I\u2019m not saying you have to love them. But you have to stop trying to find stuff to fill them in all of the time, thinking \u201cThat\u2019ll do it!\u201d Because it won\u2019t. It won\u2019t finally make you happy. It won\u2019t finally make it all better. And just think of all the time and energy you\u2019re going to save just sitting in your lawn chair, enjoying the sun setting on those holes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Dr<\/em>. Anita Sanz<\/em>, PhD, Psychologist<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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